How to Crash a Birthday Party
By Matt Savage

Gaining Access
“Who the hell are you?!” shouts the angry Mother Hen.

I am shocked by the girl’s pointed bitchiness despite her every reason to question my identity. Luckily, I’ve dealt with these types of women before and know that they can be easily pacified with simple affection.

“Hi. My name is Matthew and this here is my friend Nick. We’re friends with Jen who said we should come to the party” I say in a very calm collected voice, “I’m sorry what was your name again?”

“Oh, it’s Jess….umm…so, how do you guys know Jen?” She asks suspiciously, but now a little less bitchy.

“Ah yes, well, we went to school together. Yea, Jen and I go wayyy back” I say with a great big smile, “Is she here yet?”

“Yea, she is right over there” she says, pointing to someone named Jen.

I look across the room to see the girl I claim to know and give her a wave. Without hesitation she waves back. With that small bit of manipulation, the Mother Hen is satisfied and she lets us into the private birthday party.

Once inside the club’s VIP lounge, we begin our reconnaissance. There are three key rules we must first accomplish while commencing our infiltration.

3 Rules for Crashing

1. Win over the Mother Hen. The Mother Hen of any girl group is the one that is always on the defensive and feels that she has the responsibility to protect the other women in their clique. She is the major obstacle and unless you can appease her right away then you will have a very difficult time accomplishing anything. Luckily, Nick and I were able to do this immediately upon entering the party.
2. Befriend the birthday girl. This is key. As long as you get acceptance from the birthday girl then there will be no problem getting acceptance from the rest of her friends. It is HER party after all. The tactic is fairly easy; simply approach her, give her a big hug and wish her a happy birthday. It’s that simple.
3. Have lots of fun. Seriously, as long as you are having a good time and involving the rest of the party, it won’t matter who you are. Everyone will be too busy having a good time with you to even care. So get out there and start dancing, telling stories, doing magic tricks, or anything that adds value to the situation.

Pillage and Plunder
After a quick sweep of the party, Nick and I find the birthday girl and give her the most endearing happy birthday speech she’s heard all night. Despite being complete strangers, we hit it off immediately. I twirl her around and we dance. This continues for most of night as I continue to grab a new girl’s hand and twirl them. Each dance introduces me to a new girl and builds upon my social proof with the rest of the group.

At nights end, I walk away with two phone numbers and one kiss close. Not to mention a full stomach from raiding the buffet table. I couldn’t help it, the teriyaki sticks were incredible!

Matt Savage writes The Modern Savage, an excellent and hilarious blog that chronicles his journey — both successes and failures — to becoming a seduction artist.

Subscribe to The Modern Savage!

Admit an Attraction
Should you care ?

Modern advancements have lowered the barriers for meeting new friends and females…email, Facebook, MySpace, text messaging — heck, even Starbucks coffee can boost your love life (caffeine excluded).

The Pickup Artist: VH1 reality show
Mystery makes it big time?

Heads up: VH1 is airing the first episode of The Pickup Artist on August 6 at 9 p.m. The show chronicles eight socially awkward men who can’t seem to meet a woman if his life depended on it. Of course, Mystery will be front and center, dispensing advice with the goal of making these losers manly gold.